Breaking News: These Two Can't Stay Away From Each Other.

I know what you're thinking:
1) Who Cares? 2) Really? 3) Again, Who Cares? 3) But seriously, Really??

Now, I realize that this isn't breaking news. Not close, (they were spotted last June swapping spit with their boys in the backseat, no less) but I still think it's kinda amazing that these crazy kids always seem to come back to each other. It's kind of romantic, no? I mean, who doesn't like a good comeback? But, seriously, it's to the point where it's kind of expected that these two will just end up together. Perhaps it's destiny. It could be chemical. No one else seems to measure up? (In Pamela's case that might very well be true - have you seen that video?? Dayum, Tommy) Knowing these two, it's probs the S.E.X. No doubt these guys have hang-from-the-rafters-monkey-sex on a daily basis when they're back on. Maybe they just need those couple of year breaks in between to have widely speculated, very public relationships with other rock stars, low lifes and porn ladies to keep things fresh. On a VERY small, un-public and VD-free scale, I can kinda relate.

Every adult relationship I've had, there's been a break up and then a return to see if it could work out again period. Some of those were multiple returns. In the case of my early 20's, I think I thrived on that up and down misery and drama (and S.E.X. of course) but when I got a little older, I really believed that getting back together in that relationship was going to end up at the alter. In my most recent case of re-relationship do-overs, Smarty Pants showed up at my work and over drinks made a total case for US and our FUTURE and was braver than I'd ever seen him before. I was hopeful, swept up in the romance of it all and genuinely missing him. And turned on. So. Smarty Pants 2.0 was born just 3 months after we had decided to call it off. But despite the fact that we were both heading into our "new" relationship reinvigorated and willing to work on things, the truth was that we coasted on the fumes of that initial, over the top, romantic eve he decided to win me back and by the end of nearly 5 months of that, we lost all fuel to drive us further. We were again on empty and I was feeling like we just weren't meant to be. It was MUCH harder the second time around breaking things off, though. We were both more invested and it had also spanned over a year when all was said and done. When you are in your thirties, a relationship that lasts a year is like 5 in pre-thirties years. People are on a clear path. I know he was, and again, I was feeling the pressure of that and not wanting to waste his time if it just wasn't right.
So here I am again, single for three months now and....doing ok! It's exactly where I want to be. I still am not feeling the internet dating thing but I am allowing myself to be open to any and all possibilities.

And the greatest news of ALL, is that I am back on this blog. I know, it seemed like I broke up with MDP for good...but it's not like I was cheating with another dating blog or anything. I just needed a little break. Tommy and Pam would understand. The truth is, I missed it terribly. So, if you'll have me back....I promise, it'll be worth it. :)

Spring Is For Lovers!

Something special seems to happen in New York this time every year. I wouldn't go so far to say that love is in the air...more like lust. It's like we're all walking around with a dirty little secret and we're none too good about hiding it. The energy is palpable in condensed areas like, say, the long B train ride from Brooklyn to Manhattan where you find yourself gazing a li-tt-le too long at that strapping hunk of man's bicep gripping the subway pole (I mean, was he trying to flex and show off?? Sheesh!) or in that nutso-busy Starbucks in the morning where waiting for your coffee with a group of strangers now somehow feels a little naughty and slightly uncomfortable and why not chat up that double tall latte for a brief moment before the nice guy who serves you coffee everyday noticeably pulls the undressing-with-the-eyes move? As he hands you your Americano and his eyes skim over your body, your heart thumps a little harder, a flush rushes to your face, beads of sweat form at the top of your brow - there is something awakened in you... It might just be the anticipation of that sweet, sweet caffeine but I'd like to look at it in a more romantic way, thank you.

One of the reasons why it's so blissful this time of year is because we know it is so fleeting. It has been a loooong road for New Yorkers (Winter) to get here and we are damned well going to enjoy every minute of it. Spring in NYC doesn't even really start until mid-April (right now) and we will be lucky if it stretches past mid-May before the stickiness sets in. March totally doesn't count.

It's like if March were a boyfriend, he'd totally be the headtrippy kind who is warm and sweet one day and cold as ice the next. You wouldn't know what to expect from him and he'd be playing GAMES the entire time....blowing you off with his pissy attitude all week and then sucking you back in with sugar, sweet sunshine and a bunch of flowers. A March dude is a prick. And you should leave his ass. Yeah, you think he will change...we all do....every year. He's just so chock-full of potential. But the fact is, that fucker is a player! Hey - as long as you know what you're getting yourself into...I just say, you're gonna get hurt. An April man on the other hand really comes through. He's the type who may be a little reserved at first, a little reticent to completely open up but once he does....BAM! He knocks it out of the park. Man, is he worth it. Yes, you've got to hold out a little for him to fully blossom, but if you put in the work, girls, he's a winner. Rarely does an April man disappoint. Every day just gets better and better. Then there is May. Now this fella is a LO-VER. It's woo-city nearly every day with this guy. He just knows how to romance a lady and does everything right. He's always in a great mood and he smells AWESOME. He's the kind of guy you have a hard time leaving to go to work in the morning or the store or the bathroom. A May man can hypnotize you willingly, have all your friends wondering where you've disappeared to all month, charm your neighbors and still come off like an upstanding gentleman. Even on those few days where he might be a little off, you can easily forgive him because you know not every day can be PERFECT. It doesn't get any better than that! No wonder there are so many weddings in June.

So, it's no coincidence that this is the time of year I have typically met people. But for some reason I'm still not fully there. I still have no desire to go back to Internet dating (partly because I'm a little shell-shocked from my last experience) regardless of some recent responses. I should really update my profile if I did decide to do that anyway...I noticed Smarty Pants has. (hey - he checked mine out too!) I was trying to figure out if he had changed some of his answers in response to our relationship, like - "looking for a woman who knows exactly what she wants" and "willing to talk about the future" and "enjoys being emotionally available". That's what I'd do. But he just added some recent pics and changed up his book preferences. I'm fairly certain he's thrown himself back in already, as he should. It'll take me a little bit more time. Maybe May is my month. Too bad May doesn't last all year. But then it wouldn't be so special, I suppose. Yeah, I could really use a May man. There's nothing like getting swept off your feet in Spring.

Deal Breakers

Some people's relationship standards are, um....questionable. But for the rest of us, we tend to have some things that we just can't tolerate from someone we are going to potentially share saliva, let alone an intimate life with. We all now know these as Deal Breakers and they are everywhere on Internet dating profiles.

On the site I've used, some of the initial biggies are even conveniently created by the site themselves in the form of basic questions located to the right of every one's profile page. They are impersonal, just the facts, ma'am but extremely important. This is often where the Internet-dating-trained-eye goes first (right after the posted pics, of course) to make the very first rejection. If the pictures pass the 'sufficiently attractive test', the right part of the page is where you go to find out everything from whether he's taller than your boobs, just interested in 'playing' or if he's a recent divorcée. One of these answers might warrant a DB arrest from someone or the combination could amount to a click to the next profile. It really depends on your priorities. Some people only go to two spots: job description or the BABY question. But besides that, everyone has some sort of 'wish list' in the body of their individual profile citing exactly what they are looking for in a prospective mate. Often-times these are littered with DBs for that particular person. Guys tend to be less creative (or specific) than women about their DBs. I think almost every dude I've checked out mentioned something about not being interested in dating a crazy lady. Good luck!

Of course many times it's not until you meet the person that you find out what your DBs really are. Some are revealed right off the bat ("I believe in splitting the check on the first couple dates...") and others come to light when you're 3 years in ("I think I might be gay"). An inordinate amount of nose hair, an affection for homophobic slurs, Republican leanings and a pack a day habit are usually (DBs for me) made known pretty early on but then there are the ginormous DBs that aren't fully revealed until one has already gotten involved - like discovering your partner has decided they don't want babies....ever. That one is the quintessential DB because it's pretty definitive. Minds can change but don't count on it, sister. Alcoholism, drug addiction, mental instability, an unnatural addiction to porn - all pretty much no-brainer DBs but kinda hard to spot early on. These are the DBs that can be the most painful...and drawn out. So, Kate, I feel ya. It must have been pretty tortuous to be in love with a junkie, especially when EVERYONE was telling you to drop him. I'm not sure what finally did it for you (maybe he left the toilet seat up one too many times). I'm just glad you came to your senses...for the time being.

Our relationship priorities do shift as we age and learn what we can and cannot tolerate in a partner. At the top of my list of requirements is no longer that my best friend thinks he's cute or his mom is cool or that he has an appreciation for the movies Heathers and Say Anything. And my number one deal breaker no longer involves chest hair or whether or not he has a car (on the West Coast I know that's still a major DB but in New York, no biggie). But some things have still remained intact. He must be nice to me (and my friends) and still reeeeally like me and tell me so regularly. And he must be a good kisser. You also learn as you get older that it's a fine balance of compromises. So if he refers to Target as Tar-jay EVERY time or says "that's how I role" a little too much - it's mildly annoying, yes but not a DB because he's actually very smart and can be clever and thoughtful and generous. But if he has tattoos on the face/neck (called job stoppers in the tattoo biz) and lacks actual employment AND spends a little too much time on Facebook, I'd say he'd better be awesome in a number of other ways that balance out those potential DB doozies.

Smarty Pants and I discovered some personal DBs recently and have unfortunately come to an end. Apparently his stopping point has something to do with having his girlfriend be emotionally unavailable and not willing to talk about the future. And mine is having someone who resents me for not wanting to go there right now. But I totally get it. It's been almost an entire year and he deserves someone who can commit in every way. It's still a total bummer and I'm trying not to be down in the dumpers about it...or contact him (because apparently that's confusing). What I've found from this experience is that some deal breakers aren't so cut and dry...it's sometimes just a feeling that somethings not right and may never be. And he wasn't even a junkie. Man, we are all crazy.