Things I just discovered about myself:

• I am majorly addicted to a retarded game on my Blackberry called BrickBreaker. Like seriously. I'm embarrassing myself on the train.
• I can be totally satisfied with a box of lemon tea cookies and an $8 bottle of wine for dinner. More than satisfied. It's kind of my favorite meal of all time (at the moment).
• I am more interested in design and home decorating mags than fashion-y ones right now.
  
• If I don't have plans on a Friday night and I get to hit the hay before 11, it's kinda dreamy.

And I discovered all of this tonight. A Friday. One of the two sacred, going-out nights of the week and I am destroying bricks on my phone with a laser, ingesting my weight in cookies and marginal wine and getting off on throw pillows I can't afford. I might as well just gain 50 pounds now, adopt 13 cats and give up any hope of ever getting laid again. All I need to complete this anti-make-out solo-palooza night is the addition of some good/bad lady porn and then start sucking face with my pillow (I know pillows don't have faces). Alas, I already sent In The Cut back to Netflix. However, I haven't sent back my memory of those steamy scenes. Boo-yah!

I mean, this isn't the picture of my EVERY Friday night...but I have to say, it was actually pretty awesome. No one called, no one e-mailed or texted or harshed my buzz with a Facebook friend request. And I luxuriated in the indulgent, time wasting activities that ate up my evening....all the while increasing my knowledge of African textile trends, waxing poetic on the religious pairing I created with tea cookies and red wine (over and over) and getting to level 13 on BrickBreaker. Level 13, bitches!

OK. I'm scared. I admit it. I enjoyed this evening a little too much and I fear I will be tempted to replicate some semblance of it when I should be dolling myself up for a night on the town, honing my craft of the small talk and hair flirting and putting that "women are more attractive while ovulating" theory to the test - you know, regular dating detective duties.

Fuck it. It's one night. A gal needs a break from that nonsense to concentrate on more important things in her life. Like getting to level 14....I gotta go. Pray for me. I might need a BrickBreaker intervention if I keep this up. I can't get enough of that shit!

Ms. Lulu's Monthly Investigative Report

The upDATE

HIGHLIGHT

Getting asked out on a date by a very sweet boy 8 years my junior.

LOWLIGHT

Attending a small birthday dinner with a former (not so long ago) hook-up, his new t.v. star girlfriend and three other couples....Guess who got drunk?

HIGHLIGHT

Getting whisked away on a snowy eve to a lovely wine bar by Sweet Boy and charmed by his "no game" approach. He was so extremely complimentary and sweet and over-the-top gushy over me....ok, he just HAD no game. Maybe that wasn't a choice, but it was kinda refreshing.

LOWLIGHT

Learning over said date that Sweet Boy had JUST given up painting graffiti. Ok, fine. Still skateboarded. Kinda cute? Lives in the depths of Bushwick with a roommate. Ouchy. And has only been out of college for four years. What? Really?? All of these ah, youth! life-realities combined to make me feel like an old lady. Which is NOT a highlight, my friends.

HIGHLIGHT

Deciding to go on a second date with Sweet Boy because, well...he was just so upbeat and fun. His enthusiasm was infectious and besides, one date is always hard to gauge much unless it's horribly wrong. Plus he kept telling me I was pretty. I'm a sucker for that. Did I mention he's a twin? Could be hot...

LOWLIGHT

Panicking after Sweet Boy friend-ed me on Facebook after our first date. Are we at that level yet?? Do I have to be FB friends with ALL my first dates?? I fear this will start affecting my status updates. I already have enough stress over FB with Smarty Pants being in my circle of friends.

Speaking of which...

HIGHLIGHT

Regaining contact with Smarty Pants after months of minimalistic, haiku, check-in notes to each other over Facebook. We finally had a light exchange that made it seem like we could probs be friends!

LOWLIGHT/HIGHLIGHT/LOWLIGHT

Meeting up with Smarty Pants for a casual, friends-only drink. Drink turning to drinks, casual turning romantic and friends-only degrading into a heart pounding, ten steps back danger zone of coupledom in a single evening, including an emotional break-up after breakfast. ugh.

WE CAN'T BE FRIENDS. apparently.

HIGHLIGHT

Seeing the epic Eugene O'Neill play Mourning Becomes Electra (all 4 1/2 hours of it!) where various characters use the term "Fancy Lady" to refer to an immoral woman/mistress. It's now my new favorite term of all time. So much better than skank. I'm even considering renaming this blog.

LOWLIGHT

Feeling the immense guilt over Smarty Pants all over again. And the mind fuck that night had on me. I was doubting everything I was so sure about 3 months prior...We are NOT pam & tommy, we are not pam and tommy...

HIGHLIGHT
Making the decision, after having a second date with Sweet Boy and realizing that we had no real sexual chemistry, to nip it in the bud before it progressed any further. After we kissed and made plans for a third date, of course. baby steps. Before the third date was suppose to happen, I sent him this:

I had a lot of fun with you on thursday and wanted to thank you again for springing for the tix and picking up the tab that night! You're a true gent, ____! A girl should be so lucky to have you on her arm. Speaking of which....I may not be that gal. I'm coming to this conclusion mainly because the times we've hung out, it's been so great but I keep thinking of cute girls that I want to set you up with...not necessarily what you SHOULD be thinking on a date but it is a complement and I hope you don't take it like it isn't. You're adorable and charming and so super sweet, I can barely stand it. But I guess I'm feeling more of a friendship vibe between us. It may also be the fact that I've just come off of a relationship and I haven't really been interested in entering another one for now. So to be cliched and boring...it's not you, it's me. That said, I really DO think you're awesome and super fun. If you'll be my friend, I would be thrilled. If not, I totally get that, you may have already filled your friend quota and we can go back to pre-__-and-__-on-dates every day life. It's up to you.
i know that we set a date for this tuesday so you can let me know what you want to do. I'd still be up for doing something..

Granted, my friend K Lo, upon first glance said there were too many exclamation points. But all in all, I think it came off nice, honest and grown up. Big leaps for me.

LOWLIGHT
This e-mail back from him:

Im disappointed. But I totally get where you are coming from. Iappreciate your honesty, and think its cool that you brought this upbefore anything else developed.
lets hold off...and call me if ever just want to fuck ;)

Not such a Sweet Boy, I guess. OK - I highlighted that last part but I just wanted to make sure you didn't miss the delicate subtlety in his words there. He certainly went for it, no? To say that I was shocked from his response especially after I poured my heart out into that rejection e-mail is an understatement. The sound that came out of my mouth (whilst at work, mind you) upon reading this was something like: "omigwhaaathewhodoeshethink...baaaaaahhhhh!" Then I laughed. Then I was shocked all over again. Did I mention we were Facebook friends?

HIGHLIGHT
Laughing over that e-mail over the next couple of days. And then getting this e-mail from him a few days later:

You know ____, I DO understand where you are coming from. I thinkyou are so thoughtful to even consider my feelings at this point. Ofcourse I am looking for a relationship...down the road, but I am alsojust looking for good people I feel comfortable around. Its tough inNY to meet really cool women. I like you and have fun talking withyou. Plus I wouldn't mind if you introduced me to someone...althoughthey wouldn't be as cute as you!! Anyway, I really enjoy your companyand would want to be your friend if nothing more.

Oops! Did he accidentally send that douche-y e-mail reponse before he had a chance to think to send this REAL one that is more in character with the guy I met those few times? Is his twin brother an evil one who logs in as him and sabotages all communication with the opposite sex? Because sending an e-mail like the first one will guarantee you'll NEVER get laid. It's what my friend A refers to as an ANTI-Boner.

So now, I'm a little torn. Should I respond at all? If he regretted sending that first response, he didn't really refer to it the second time around. Was that just his attempt at humor and he was trying to make an awkward situation....more awkward? Should I just lighten up??

Key Learnings from this past month:

• don't assume you can be friends with your ex (esp after loads of wine)
• don't date boys who were 9 when you moved into your first apartment
• use "Fancy Lady" whenever it seems appropriate, which is every day I'm sure.

Till next time, this Fancy Lady is signing off.